Hello, I am Krishna, 29 years old. Am just on the way to the hospital for my regular check-up. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia a year back. My experience with schizophrenia a few months ago was terrible. Let me break down the synopsis of my story with schizophrenia.
The Butterfly Effects-
That was a random misery day I had a flat tyre. My head was turning from left to right to seek help. Suddenly I witnessed a giant statue of Mr Lenin on the roadside which said me “run”. I had butterflies in my stomach. Then, I saw a man eyeing at me and updating every single information to someone through the mobile phone.
When I started walking towards my school which was just 600 meters away, he kept marching towards me. My nose started getting some unusual smells of leaking water, somewhere in my house I forgot to close the tap. When a question popped “How can I smell water which is leaking in my home, that too 9 miles away”. Then I heard the voices telling “this world will witness a massive flood if I don’t close the tap”.
The Whispering Voices Inside The Head-
The voice inside my head whispered, “go to the 17th floor”. It seems that stranger wants to stop me from closing the tap. With a high rate heartbeat and sweating face, I ran into the school. Again I got the voices telling “go to the 17th floor”. The stranger didn’t hold, he was still in the chase.
The elevator’s display suggesting all the possible LEDs signs. Finally, I reached the 17th floor through stairs. My Lord, that was the last floor plus there was no tap over there. The whispering voices stopped. There was no stranger chasing me around. And eventually, I came to a conclusion that there is something wrong with me.
The Voices Keep Knocking The Doors-
Slowly all the things in my daily routine took a drastic change over. It became hard to realise which was reality and which wasn’t. Sometimes I comfort myself by isolating from the surroundings. It was working for few days but the voices keep knocking the doors.
On a fine day when everything was going well with me inside the classroom. I was teaching the Pythagoras theorem to the students suddenly there was a flash inside my brain. I was unable to think or speak anything literally, I forgot where am I? Who am I? What am doing there? That was the last time I had a clear touch with my reality. Then on I have to think, think and think it’s like watching a 100 television with 100 channels at the same time.
I was very attached to my father, we were like close buddies. He came up and asked about the abnormal changes which took place recently. I wanted to cry out loud and hug him, but I was confused about what to tell? And what not to? Literally, I wasn’t in the mood to tell him anything!
They Understood My Stigma-
All day I was thinking what would be the endeavour. I don’t want to go the mental hospital, what would society think of my family and me. It’s better to let go everything by a single decision. I took a piece of a razor blade to cut myself.
By God’s grace, I took a right decision and narrated all my suffering to the family. They understood my pain and took me to a hospital against to my will.
There the counselor made me understand schizophrenia and the associated symptoms. Later, I realized the reason behind the strange voices and the suicidal thoughts. The counselor’s words made me to actualize “A mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of”, it struck like a cushion nail in my head. Furthermore, he suggested me to take treatments and stay in the rehab centre for 3 months.
The Mirage About Rehabs-
I had always imagined rehab as a jail. And you are restricted to roam outside the cage and the warden will be a strict, etc. But what I saw was a different world out there. The counselors were close to friends and the caretaker was very kind. I felt as I belonged to a larger family. I have to mention those treatments and therapy sessions really helped me cope. Here is a bit what I can understand about experiencing it.
Group of individuals sharing their thoughts with each other by the guidelines of professionals. At first, I felt shy and was hesitant to speak in the group. Later, seeing the participants share and the words of encouragement from the counselors, I was able to take an active participant in the group therapy. We share our experiences, symptoms, our stories, the road to recovery and the treatments.
I had many friends out there. We formed a group and still, we are in touch. We use to share and be supportive of each other. Also when society seeks us differently, those bunch of guys will always be there to motivate.
I used to take my medication regularly without skipping it. Medication plays a vital role in recovery and progress in improvement. Rehab definitely taught me that medications are mandatory.
Transforming from a state like this to a normal self might take some time and more effort both mentally and physically. All you have to do is to be patient and wait and work towards recovery. I acquired a recovery-oriented mental health practice inside rehab successfully by clinical approaches, shared decision making and peer support. This might make an individual to feel the systemic changes that are necessary to yield road to recovery.
Rehab is a lighthouse of well-being, whether to search the lost you or waiting for the sunrise is up to you!
If you or your loved one is undergoing these kinds of emotional struggle with schizophrenia. Don’t hold it tight, it’s ok to talk. Reach Cadabams for the betterment and get back you quality life, call us on +91 96111 94949.