Marriage counselling, a good way to repair damaged relations

Is marital counselling panacea to resolving problems between couples at loggers-head, crying foul at each other and eager to say ‘quits’ to their union? It is one of the debating topics among counsellors, psychiatrists and couples world over with the opinion being largely in favor of such counselling.

Socio-economic complexities!

In India, where most couples swear by ‘janam, janam ka bandhan’ socio-economic complexities are increasingly casting their shadows over the stability and longevity of marital lives. So much so that today couples with babies seeking separations ten or more years into their marriage are also not unheard of anymore.

Mounting pressure

Obviously, pressure is mounting on couples as they struggle to strike a balance between their marital and professional lives. But, not all such balancing acts usually have a happy ending. A large number of couples are today approaching courts to ring the curtains down over their relationships than ever before.

Expert counselling

It is in the backdrop of this rapid transformation in the concept of marriage and old values associated with it that experts aver that marriages on the brink may have a good chance of surviving the storm through expert counselling.

India vs West

In the western society, according to statistics, 50 % of first marriages end in divorce, a figure that has seen no change over the last three decades. In India the picture may not be as gloomy as it is in the West, but surely there are indications to point towards increasing marital discords among couples. Hence, the need for marital counselling.

Check-list

For some, divorce may appear to be the last resort. Still, for a large number of other couples salvaging whatever left of the marriage may appear to be a more sensible move. But does anyone know when should couples seek marital counselling? Here is a check-list for to know where and how things go awry and how to salvage the situation and more importantly the marriage:

Taunted communication:

• Unsavory exchanges between husband and wife may be the first signs of brewing trouble.
• One partner feels depressed, insecure, disregarded, or wants to withdraw from the conversation

Discord due to extra marital affair:

• Couple show little commitment to relationship and urgency to iron out differences and move on

Couple being indifferent to each other:

• Couple living under one roof minus any intimacy, communication or conversation

Unresolved differences:

• Both know what is hurting their relationship but do little to sort out differences

Venting the spleen:

• Couple openly showing negative feelings to hurt each other in a bout of one-upmanship

In all the above instances a clinical expert’s intervention goes a long way in resolving issues between the couple. What, then, is the role of a marriage counsellor?

Marriage Counsellor’s role:

• Helps to be focused and clearer about what plagues the relationship
• Uses different methods to help understand and address the problems
• Offers support and understanding to listen and respond in an unbiased manner
• Helps to respect person’s values, choices and lifestyle and explore feelings
• Assists in unveiling the factors behind the problem and finding a way out
• Assists in decision making process and about the changes and choices good for the couple