Artwork by

Borderline Personality Disorder and Relationships

Medically reviewed by

Written by

Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and its Effects on Relationships

Romantic relationships are some of the more complex social interactions a person has to navigate in their lives. While mainstream culture feeds us the hunky-dory narrative of love and romance, real-life relationships are far removed from that. Relationships often take a lot of effort and go through turbulent times.

While relationships are difficult, having to battle Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) while managing it can significantly compound the issues a person faces. The nature of the disorder is such that it causes several and sometimes severe problems in the way a person deals with interpersonal relationships

This article will highlight how BPD affects a person’s relationships while also taking the reader through what it takes to manage and sustain such a relationship. 

What is Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)?

Borderline Personality Disorder is a mental health disorder that falls under cluster B of personality disorders. It is characterized by self-image issues, difficulty managing emotions, and unstable interpersonal relationships. 

Individuals with BPD face an intense fear of abandonment and of being left alone. The disorder tends to appear during early adulthood and is quite intense during this period. It gradually gets better with age. 

Though there is no permanent cure for the disorder, regular sessions with a mental health professional can help an individual cope better. 

What are the Effects of BPD on Relationships?

As discussed previously, bpd relationships has multiple effects on a person’s relationship with their partner. The symptoms of the disorder and the ways in which a person deals with them all cause difficulties. 

Emotional Instability 

Individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) often experience intense and rapidly shifting emotions, which can lead to emotional instability. Their moods can fluctuate dramatically throughout the day, causing them to feel overwhelmed, and anxious, and sometimes even experience anger or sadness in response to minor triggers.

Fear of Abandonment 

Individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) often experience an intense and pervasive fear of abandonment. This fear can be triggered by real or perceived threats of rejection or abandonment, leading to extreme efforts to avoid being left alone.

It can manifest in clingy or dependent behaviors, frantic efforts to maintain relationships and a constant need for reassurance and validation from others.


Lying can be a common characteristic among individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Individuals with BPD may resort to lying as a way to manipulate situations, control the narrative, or protect themselves from perceived threats, even if the lies are unnecessary or detrimental.

Impulsive Sexuality 

Impulsive sexuality is a common trait observed in individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Due to their intense emotions and unstable sense of self, individuals with BPD may engage in impulsive sexual behaviors as a way to seek validation, alleviate emotional pain, or establish a sense of connection with others. 

These behaviors can include risky sexual encounters, promiscuity, or a borderline relationship pattern of unstable and intense relationships.

Why Understanding BPD is Important for Partners? 

Knowing everything you can about the disorder your partner is battling is a key part of making a relationship work. BPD comes with a host of symptoms and triggers, and learning more about these can help an individual assist their partners during turbulent times. 

Paste typeform embed here. Don't forget to delete this before pasting!

Will a Relationship Last if Your Partner has BPD?

All relationships face challenges. It is just that when the relationship is with individuals who are battling BPD, the challenges can be unique. Though the symptoms of the disorder make it difficult for a person to sustain a relationship while battling the disorder, it is not impossible. Having clear communication and seeking professional help can allow a couple to remain in a happy and loving relationship. 

How to Make a Relationship Work When Battling BPD? 

Communicate Openly 

Open and honest communication is the cornerstone of any relationship, more so when one of the partners is battling BPD. Being open about the disorder, and its effects, and discussing it with each other has some clear benefits. 

It allows the partner to understand what the person is going through and lets them know when they need to offer support and empathy. It also helps the person understand their partner’s triggers and symptoms, allowing them to make adjustments accordingly. 

Finally, when the symptoms of BPD do lead to turbulence or conflicts, the partners are more confident in resolving these as they know the exact source of the issues and are able to discuss them with each other. 

Learn about BPD

Educating oneself about the disorder their partner is battling is one of the most important aspects of being in a relationship with a person who faces a mental health disorder. While reading up on BPD relationships, a person will understand the symptoms, triggers, and coping methods against the disorder. 

This can help them identify the signs in their partner and allow them to offer emotional support and encouragement when necessary. The person will also know how to help their partner on their journey toward recovery.    

Set Boundaries

Having clear boundaries is one of the most fundamental keys to a successful relationship. Partners should have a crystal clear understanding of what is okay and what isn’t. Especially in cases where one of the partners is battling a mental health disorder. These boundaries, in the case of bpd and relationships, could be around emotional outbursts, sexual promiscuity, and continuing treatment. 

When and How Couples Therapy or Counseling can help?

Couples therapy can offer invaluable support to a couple where one partner is battling Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). The therapy sessions provide a platform for both partners to express their concerns, fears, and needs openly, with the guidance of a trained therapist. 

The couple can work together to learn effective communication techniques, gain a deeper understanding of BPD and its impact on the relationship, and develop coping mechanisms to navigate the emotional intensity that may arise. 

Through therapy, the partner can acquire valuable tools to support their loved one with BPD, while also receiving guidance on setting boundaries, managing their own emotions, and promoting self-care. 

Ultimately, couples therapy can help the couple rebuild trust, strengthen their emotional connection, and foster a healthier and more resilient partnership in the face of BPD.

Other Types of Treatment for BPD

Various treatment options are available to address Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and its associated symptoms. Psychotherapy, particularly Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), is often considered the gold standard for BPD treatment. DBT focuses on developing emotional regulation skills, interpersonal effectiveness, mindfulness, and distress tolerance. 

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can also be helpful in challenging negative thought patterns. Medications may be prescribed to manage specific symptoms such as depression, anxiety, or impulsivity, although they are typically used in conjunction with therapy. 

Additionally, support groups and self-help strategies, such as journaling and practicing self-care, can complement formal treatments, providing individuals with BPD a comprehensive approach to their healing journey. 

Book screening with our director of triage,  Kamlesh Verma
Take the first step


What are the 4 types of BPD?

Borderline Personality Disorder is a serious mental health condition that impacts a person’s sense of self and their relationships with others. It is characterized by unstable relationships with individuals and a distorted sense of self. The types of BPD include:

  • discouraged (“quiet”) borderline.
  • self-destructive borderline.
  • impulsive borderline.
  • petulant borderline.

How serious is borderline personality disorder?

Borderline personality disorder is a serious mental health disorder.

Share this article on social media

Articles you may like

Also watch