10 Questions to Ask If You Think a Loved One Might Have Dementia

Noticing cognitive changes in a loved one can be confusing and deeply concerning. Starting a conversation about memory loss is never easy, but asking the right questions with compassion can be the first step toward getting clarity, support, and a pathway to professional care.

Why These Questions Matter

Understanding the purpose and approach behind these questions is as crucial as the questions themselves. Here’s why this conversation, handled with care, can make a significant difference.

The Importance of Early Recognition

Observing changes early on can fundamentally reshape a person's journey with dementia. It allows families and healthcare providers to act before symptoms significantly affect daily functioning and independence.

Early intervention can slow progression and improve quality of life 

Recognising symptoms early allows for timely medical intervention, which can help manage symptoms and, in some cases, slow the disease's progression. It also provides a crucial window for planning future care, making legal and financial arrangements, and accessing support services and rehabilitation programmes designed to maintain independence for as long as possible.

Families play a critical role in observing subtle changes 

You see your loved one in their daily environment, making you uniquely positioned to notice gradual shifts that a doctor might not see in a short appointment. Trusting your instincts about these small changes is vital, as they are often the most important dementia signs family should watch for before seeking a formal evaluation.

How to Ask With Sensitivity

Even when using the right questions to ask about dementia, how you phrase and time them matters just as much. The way you approach the conversation can determine whether your loved one feels supported or attacked. 

Choose a quiet, non-judgemental moment 

Find a time when you are both calm, relaxed, and free from distractions. Avoid bringing up your concerns during a moment of frustration or right after a memory lapse has occurred. The goal is to create a safe space for an open and honest chat, not a confrontation.

Stay calm, curious, and supportive—not confrontational 

Use gentle, non-accusatory language. Frame your questions from a place of love and concern, not criticism. Instead of saying, “You always forget things,” try, “I’ve noticed you’ve seemed a bit more forgetful lately, and I was wondering how you’re feeling about it.” This approach can act as an effective dementia conversation starter.

When to Seek Professional Help

These questions are conversation guides, not diagnostic tools. Their real value lies in helping you gather information to share with a healthcare professional.

Use the answers as a guide, not a diagnosis 

Remember that only a qualified medical professional can diagnose dementia. These questions are designed to help you structure your observations and determine if there’s a consistent pattern of concern. They provide a starting point for understanding how to know if someone has dementia, but they do not provide the answer itself.

Bring responses to a GP, neurologist, or memory clinic if concerns persist 

If the answers to these questions raise red flags, the next step is to schedule a doctor's appointment. Share your specific observations and examples with the physician. Your detailed notes can provide invaluable context and lead to a more accurate assessment and appropriate referrals to specialists.

10 Key Questions to Start the Conversation

Here are some gentle yet specific questions to ask about dementia that can help you understand what your loved one might be experiencing. Introduce them naturally over several conversations rather than all at once.

Have you been forgetting names or appointments more often lately? 

While we all have occasional memory slips, a recurring pattern of forgetting recent events, important dates, or familiar names that isn't resolved later can be concerning. This type of short-term memory loss, especially when it disrupts daily routines, is a common early symptom that warrants further attention.

Have you gotten lost in familiar places or felt confused about where you are? 

Disorientation regarding time and place is a significant warning sign. This is more than just momentarily forgetting which floor you parked on; it involves feeling lost while driving a familiar route, waking up unsure of the day of the week, or losing track of seasons and the passage of time.

Do you sometimes struggle to find the right words or repeat yourself a lot? 

Problems with language can be an early indicator. This might manifest as difficulty following a conversation, stopping mid-sentence without knowing how to continue, or calling familiar objects by the wrong name. This is a key area when considering what to ask a loved one with memory loss, and one of the most important questions to ask about dementia, as it directly relates to communication.

Are you finding it harder to manage your finances, bills, or household tasks? 

Dementia can impair executive function, the ability to plan, organise, and complete multi-step tasks. You might notice unpaid bills, difficulty balancing a chequebook, or trouble following a familiar recipe. What was once routine may now seem overwhelming and complex, indicating a potential cognitive shift.

Have you been misplacing things or putting items in unusual places? 

It's one thing to misplace your glasses, but it's another to repeatedly find them in the refrigerator or the car keys in the sugar bowl. This behaviour suggests more than simple forgetfulness; it points to a breakdown in organisational thinking and memory that can be a hallmark sign of dementia.

Have friends or family noticed changes in your mood or behaviour? 

Sometimes, the person experiencing changes is the last to recognise them. Personality shifts, such as becoming uncharacteristically anxious, suspicious, irritable, or withdrawn, are important dementia signs family should watch for. Asking if they’ve received similar feedback from others can gently raise their self-awareness about these changes.

Do you feel overwhelmed doing things that used to be easy? 

A decline in initiative or confidence is a common but subtle sign. Your loved one might start to avoid social gatherings, give up on hobbies, or seem apathetic towards activities they once enjoyed. This withdrawal often stems from the anxiety and difficulty of trying to keep up.

Are you sleeping more during the day or feeling unusually fatigued? 

Significant changes in sleep patterns can be associated with dementia. This could include excessive daytime sleeping, restlessness at night, or a reversal of the day-night sleep cycle. While many conditions can affect sleep, when combined with other cognitive symptoms, it can be part of a larger pattern.

Have you lost interest in hobbies or socialising recently? 

Apathy and social withdrawal are frequent symptoms of dementia. Your loved one may no longer show interest in their favourite sports team, their gardening, or spending time with grandchildren. This is not a choice but can be a direct result of cognitive and neurological changes affecting motivation and enjoyment.

Do you sometimes forget what day it is or what you were doing? 

Difficulty with time and the sequence of events is a classic early symptom. This extends beyond simply forgetting an appointment to include confusion about what they just did, why they walked into a room, or what happened earlier in the day. It reflects a growing difficulty in processing information sequentially.

What To Do With the Answers

Gathering this information is the first step. The next is to use it constructively and compassionately to help your loved one. This is a key part of learning how to know if someone has dementia.

Tracking Patterns Over Time

A single incident is not a cause for alarm, but a consistent pattern is. Observing how often and how intensely these changes occur helps distinguish between occasional forgetfulness and a potential underlying cognitive concern.

Keep a written record or journal of concerning responses 

Document specific examples, including dates and context. Instead of noting "Mom was confused," write "On Tuesday, Mom couldn't remember her granddaughter's name and asked three times what day it was." This detailed log provides concrete evidence to share with a medical professional and helps track the progression of symptoms.

Compare behaviour across weeks or months 

Look for a trend rather than isolated events. Is the forgetfulness getting more frequent? Are the mood changes becoming more pronounced? Observing a decline over time is a much stronger indicator of a potential problem than a single bad day, providing a clearer picture for a doctor.

Encouraging a Medical Evaluation

Broaching the topic of seeing a doctor requires great care and reassurance. A calm, positive approach can make this step feel supportive rather than intimidating.

Suggest a check-up as a proactive health step—not a judgement 

Frame it as a routine part of staying healthy, much like a heart check-up or blood pressure screening. You could say, "Since we're both getting older, maybe we should both get a good baseline memory check-up." This makes it feel like a shared, responsible action.

Reassure them that early evaluation can bring peace of mind 

Emphasise that finding out what's going on, even if it's just normal ageing, is better than worrying about the unknown. Using empathetic dementia conversation starters like, "I'm concerned because I care about you, and getting this checked could rule out anything serious," can reduce their fear and defensiveness.

When to Involve a Specialist

If a general practitioner shares your concerns, they will likely recommend a specialist. This step is essential when symptoms become persistent, progressive, or begin to affect daily safety and independence.

If memory, judgment, or behaviour changes interfere with daily life 

When symptoms begin to impact a person's ability to live safely and independently, for instance, by causing medication errors, getting lost, or neglecting personal hygiene, it is crucial to seek specialist care. This is the point where professional assessment and management become non-negotiable for their well-being.

Refer to a neurologist, geriatrician, or psychiatrist for assessment 

These specialists are equipped to conduct comprehensive evaluations, including cognitive testing, brain imaging, and blood tests, to determine the cause of the symptoms. At Cadabams, our multidisciplinary team of experts provides thorough assessments and creates personalised care and rehabilitation plans to support both individuals and their families.

Comprehensive Dementia Care at Cadabams

Navigating concerns about dementia in a loved one is a journey that requires patience, empathy, and knowledge. By using these questions to ask about dementia as a compassionate starting point, you can take the first crucial step towards understanding and support. Remember, you are not alone on this path.

If you are worried about a loved one’s cognitive health or need guidance on the next steps, Cadabams is here to help. Our team of experienced psychiatrists, neurologists, and therapists provides comprehensive dementia assessments, personalised care plans, and family support services.

If you are searching for a solution to your problem, Cadabam’s Rehabilitation Centre can help you with its team of specialized experts. We have been helping thousands of people live healthier and happier lives for 30+ years. We leverage evidence-based approaches and holistic treatment methods to help individuals effectively manage their Dementia. Get in touch with us today. You can call us at +91 96111 94949.

FAQs 

Should I ask all the questions at once? 

It's best not to. An intense interrogation can feel overwhelming and confronting. Instead, weave these questions into natural, everyday conversations over a period of days or weeks. This gentle, gradual approach is more likely to yield honest answers and keep the lines of communication open and trusting.

What if they get defensive or deny the problem? 

This is a very common reaction, often stemming from fear, embarrassment, or a lack of self-awareness (a condition known as anosognosia). Remain patient and calm. Back off for a while and try raising the subject again later. Your persistent, gentle support is more effective than forcing the issue.

Are these questions enough to confirm dementia? 

No, absolutely not. These are early dementia screening questions meant to help you identify potential warning signs. A definitive diagnosis can only be made by a medical professional after a thorough clinical evaluation. These questions are a tool to help you decide when it's time to seek that professional opinion.

What’s the best way to bring up the topic of memory loss? 

Use "I" statements that focus on your feelings and observations. For example: “I’ve noticed you’ve been having a bit of trouble with names lately, and I’m worried about you. I care about your health, and I was thinking a check-up might be a good idea. Would you be open to that?”

Can I attend the medical visit with them? 

If your loved one agrees, your presence can be extremely helpful. You can provide the doctor with the detailed observations you've been tracking, offer emotional support to your loved one, and help ensure that all questions are asked and answered. Your role as an advocate is invaluable in this process.