Children Caught in Marital Discord: Handle with Extra Care

“Marriages are made in heaven,” goes the popular saying. But ironically, in courts, marriages are broken on earth, almost on a daily basis. The reasons could be anything varying from personal ego clashes to incompatibility among couples. Whatever might be the cause of a marital discord, the worst sufferer is always a child.

Immediate fall out

An immediate fall out of a broken marriage is  disintegration of family as a social unit. It has a debilitating impact especially on children. In most cases, it leaves a scar in the child’s mind that takes a long time to heal, and sometimes it remains with him through the better part of his active life.

As a matter of moral obligation, it, thus, becomes incumbent upon the estranged husband and wife to make the entire separation process less painful for the child and transition a smoother one. This can be done by following a set of dos and don’ts:

What to do?

• A message should go to each child that he or she is not responsible for the separation and that both parents will always love them as before
• Need to be positive about the child’s relationship with the new parent and support the same
• Need to tell the child clearly when he or she will get to see the absent parent
• Instill a sense of confidence among the children that despite separation they can always depend on you
• Need to be watchful of the child’s presence while discussing your case with your attorney or friends over phone
• Need to behave rationally and reasonably to convey the message to the child that decision to separate is well thought out and carefully taken
• Need to set up a roomfor the child with exclusive cupboards or drawers to keep their toys, clothes, books, etc. at visiting parent’s home
• Need to maintain regular telephone contact with the child
• Need to be at home to have the child ready on time for visitation
• Need to be present on time at the point of visitation to receive the child

What not to do?

• Avoid getting into an argument before the child
• Avoid making derogatory remarks about the other parent
• Never force the child to give out information about the other parent
• Never use the child to carry angry messages, back and forth
• Never ask the child as to with whom they want to live
• Never ask the child to keep a secret from the other parent
• Never show a sad face when the child leaves to see the other parent
• Never introduce your child to your new partneruntil the child has adjusted to your separation
• Never bring the child to court or to your lawyer’s office

Expert’s view

Researchers Paul Amato and Alan Booth observe that children who have been witness to intense discord during pre and post-divorce phases are likely to:

• Face more difficulties in dating
• Be less happy
• Be less interactive
• Face more conflict in marriage

“Incidences of divorce are likely to be more among children whose parents have experienced high degree of marital discord”, says Paul Amato.

Cadabam’s Group has over 23 years of experience in treating people suffering from mental illness. Its team of psychiatrists, psychologists and healthcare professionals have the experience to diagnose and treat mental illness. For any help related to mental illness, you can reach out to: +91-97414-76476 or visit: www.cadabamshospitals.com